Self Perceptions and Such

People generally tell me that I am too hard on myself. Maybe so, but I feel I must be vigilant in order to keep myself in line. I'm basically a lazy, self-serving, hedonist. I'm also quite immature. These are the facts. I want to be a good, unselfish, person. I do my best to empathize with others and be helpful. Sometimes I fall short, so I try to do better. I do not delude myself by thinking that I am "just swell" the way I am. Hopefully, I will keep trying to improve until the day I die. What really amazes me is that some people seem to be clueless as to who they are and their motivations. There are some that brag about their honesty, intelligence, generosity, on and on...ad nauseum. These are usually the self-deceivers. The people that don't know their own agendas. I see them all the time. They go from day to day playing their little game of life. Their game is the denial game. They deny their mistakes, their lies, sarcasm, anger, all negativity. Their deceptions may be crystal clear to those around them, but they do not notice. How unfortunate...for them, and those around them. I'd rather feel the pain of introspection then go through life blindly hurting others.

Just Keep Laughin'

What can I say? I must blog. My mind has been blank for a very long time. Maybe all my life. Who can say? But yet, I must blog. I don't want this to be another endeavor left behind. I enjoy this. It's me. Just an endless stream of ramblings, ponderings, nonsensical thoughts, feelings, on and on. I can't help but try to be entertaining. I guess everyone wants to be acknowledged. Oh well, maybe I can come up with some kind of daily laugh. How about "Today's Absurdity". There is always something ridiculous to write about. Another topic that never ends might be "The Pope Today". I could give a daily report on the antics of the new Pope. For instance..."the pope had pancakes for breakfast today, or ..the Pope needs a new hat. I mean, the media coverage just isn't enough, really ! Whatever..I will continue to write, much to the dismay of some, and hopefully the enjoyment of at least one person besides myself.

A Different Sort of "Ho"

You know what? I grew up in the "free love" era. Sex,drugs, rock'n roll, and all that stuff. Luckily, there was no aids epidemic. I was a confused sort at the time. I still am, but not about my sexuality. As Woody Allen once said, "Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best !" I found that to be true, but the encounters were brief, and the emptiness remained. It was much easier to have sex, than to have a meaningful conversation. In an ideal relationship, you have it all. In many relationships, the sex is gone. That's not good, but it's worse to lose the connection. That intangible thing that drew you to this person. Part of the whole love thing is that you feel as important to your partner as they are to you. That brings me to my latest idea. Love-ho's. People who, for a small fee, would provide you with a short term, empathetic, relationship. There would be no sex involved, just a short interval where another person would just listen and care. I don't mean a therapy type thing where it is assumed that you are trying to change. I mean someone who will accept you for who you are, and like you anyway. I believe there is a need for this type of service. O.k., so it's not plausible, but a good idea just the same. As always, feedback is welcome (so is empathy).

Surgery Update

My Sophie had surgery the other day for her previously mentioned mass. The vet said the surgery went "excellently" in that she was able to remove the entire mass. She also said that even if the results come back malignant that she would consider the surgery curative. I'd like to think so because Sophie is 11, and I don't want to put her through chemo or radiation. I'll just hope for the best.

My Sophie Dog

I love my dog. In one of my previous posts, I wrote about her being attacked by the neighbor's dogs, and her recovery from the puncture wounds. Well, the other day I noticed this strange lump in the area of her healed wounds. I thought it might have been some kind of infection, so I took her to the vet. The vet said that it was some kind of "mass". That's a word none of us wants to hear, especially about a loved one. She mentioned mast cell tumors, which I, of course, looked up on the internet. Anyway, Sophie has surgery scheduled for this Thursday. They will do a biopsy to see if it's malignant. If it is, they will grade it and decide upon a course of treatment. A familiar procedure I have gone through with both my mom and my partner. Sophie is 11 years old. She is a senior dog. My other animals have lived to ripe old ages (2 dogs lived to be 18 and my cat was 22). I'm hoping the same for Sophie, but I don't want to put her through hell. I'm trying that zen thing of living in the moment, only the moment doesn't seem so pleasant right now. I'll try to hope for the best.