Viral Conjunctivitis

Pretty!! 

Here's my latest ailment. Yes, that's my left eye. I tried like hell to avoid catching a cold at work because I had scheduled a Florida trip on Memorial Day. I was going to visit my niece, her husband, and their two babies (one brand new). Well, I contracted this yucky conjunctivitis (first time ever). This is the viral kind which lasts one or two weeks. I couldn't have gotten the bacterial which responds to antibiotics in two or three days. Nope, not me, I go for the big guns. The added bonus to all this is I get to look so much more attractive than usual. Who could resist this eye? Oh well, it could be a lot worse. The thing is, it makes you feel kind of "unclean". I really do have excellent hygiene. It's the least I can do to make the world a little cleaner. I guess there's no avoiding certain things. The good news is, it's not transmitted through blogging, so feel free to read. Although, I can't promise that you won't be bored!!

Fringe Dweller

I feel that I live on the edge. The edge of madness? I don't know. Maybe that's a bit too dramatic. The edge of emotional collapse might be more accurate. It's not all that horrible. There are good and bad times. As long as the tide keeps turning, it's bearable. Lately, I've been missing the old valium and alcohol days. I used to use this mixture of the two in order to function. Of course, over the years, I developed a huge tolerance (especially for the valium). I'd need a varying amount of both substances to get through the days. I would not recommend this to ANYONE !!! I can attest to the fact that this lovely combo stops working , and then comes the withdrawal, which is pure hell. However, when it did work, it was wonderful. It was like "THE ANXIETY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!" I could work, socialize, laugh...all that good stuff; but again, the price I paid was torturous. Anyway, now I have paxil. It helps, but doesn't blot out the pain. Paxil and wine come close, which is why I have to be careful. I can't let it become a habit. Substances can be very enticing to those of us that suffer from anxiety and/or depression. However, speaking for myself (as I can't for anyone else), I have to let in some of the pain. If I don't, I will not feel as alive, and the good things won't have as much meaning.

Sunday Blues

Yesterday was a truly good day. I worked in the yard, ate good food, and had the next day off. Today I lounged around and started thinking about work at around 2:00 PM. This happens every Sunday. Yeah, I know, count my blessings etc. Work is not such a bad thing, all the cliches. Yet, every Sunday it's the same thing..work tomorrow. From 2:00 PM on it's the anticipatory mode. What will it be like tomorrow? I don't want to go into detail about my job, but suffice it to say (I hope I worded that correctly), it's frustrating. I work in a facility for the disabled. Mentally disabled. I could write volumes about this topic, but I won't. I will only say that people keep trying to come up with nice, neat solutions for problems of unfathomable depths. Very draining, and sad. In my opinion, many problems cannot be solved, but you can only try to ease some of the suffering.
Oh well, back on the merry-go-round tomorrow!

Betrayal

What is betrayal ? I mean, I know the definition, but when is something really betrayal ? Like so many things, it's not at all clear cut. Someone may feel betrayed, but it might not be the case. I guess true betrayal is when a person intends to betray another person, and then succeeds. Anyway, I think we can all agree that it's a bad thing. I feel betrayed when a person I consider a friend does something intentionally hurtful to me. The word "intentionally" is key. Of course, sometimes the people are not aware of their intent, but they should be. Otherwise, they continue to do the same hurtful things. Friendship is so important. You should love, cherish, and protect your friends, much like a marriage. If one person continually fails to honor the friendship, I guess it's time for a separation. A very sad thing. What else do we have, if not each other?

Take two tabloids, and call me in the morning

Here's an article from the Weekly World News archives:

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR PROSTITUTE IS AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL

Here, from government experts, are 10 warning signs that the prostitute you've picked up is a sinister space babe: 1. Looks too good to be true -- If that curvy cutie working the street corner is a dead ringer for Catherine Zeta-Jones, odds are the gorgeous star isn't moonlighting. A shape-shifting ET has probably adopted the form of your dream girl. 2. Out-of-date lingo -- Alien prostitutes try to fit in by using streetwalker slang -- but often use outdated terms. A hooker who sees a police car and whispers, "Cheese it, the fuzz!" likely hails from deep space. 3. Evasive about identity and origins -- Few gals in "the life" are forthcoming about their full names. But a scarlet woman who refuses even to divulge where she comes from -- vaguely describing her birthplace as "the Midwest" or "overseas" -- could be an ET. 4. Odd, hard-to-place accent. "They have trouble pronouncing the letter 'R,' " Manling reveals. 5. Unusually petite -- The average alien hooker stands roughly 5 feet tall, but may attempt to disguise her size with ridiculously high heels. 6. Sex was "unbelievable." If the encounter was "everything you've always fantasized about," chances are the memory was implanted by ETs. 7. Missing time -- If you paid for an hour with a hooker, but your watch indicates four hours have gone by, this suggests part of your memory of the encounter has been erased. 8. Seems telepathic -- A fallen woman who finishes your sentences or slips up and mentions your real name when you've given her a bogus one, is probably invading your thoughts -- and our planet. 9. Over-perfumed -- Hookers from outer space often try to mask their peculiar ET body odor. 10. Squeamish about spanking -- Terrestrial prostitutes are willing to perform virtually every sexual act if the money is right. But ETs don't like having their butts touched.

This article was from September, 2004. Now, this particular tabloid presents these articles in a very serious manner. Do you think there is one non-delusional person on the face of the earth that would believe these things? Every once in a while I have to buy this paper just to laugh at the articles. Although, maybe there is a connection between legal prostitution in Nevada and Area 51. I'll keep checking for humorous articles and will copy them to my blog for those who need a good laugh.

But My Point Is.........

Try going from being a passive person who basically takes orders to somebody trying to assert themselves. It ain't easy !! Does anyone remember that crazy Woody Allen movie Zelig? It was a pretend documentary about this guy named Leonard Zelig who had no distinctive personality. He always took on the personality of whoever he was with at the time. To make a long story short, his psychiatrist (Mia Farrow) was able to cure him. Of course for awhile he became overly opinionated and would argue about things as trivial as the weather. For instance, he got into a fist fight with someone who said it was a nice day when he thought otherwise. I am a former Zelig. I voice my opinions now, even if they are contrary to others' opinions. Yet, I am still not quite heard. This is because other people have been conditioned to believe I will always obey. When I am assertive, they see me as a disobedient child and become upset with my behavior. I will usually back down at that point because I am filled with so much guilt. That's how I operate. It's a no-win situation for me. I also get accused of not caring if I don't always put my own needs aside for certain significant others. That also sucks. There has to be some kind of balance. I need the balance. I am getting drained and tired.

Worthwhile Reading

I have to admit it, I frequently read the Star and the Enquirer. I can't help it. There is always a certain amount of shame involved when I buy them. I usually place them upside down on the checkout counter (pretending to make the barcodes more accessible to the cashier). It's just so relaxing to read the latest scoop (true or not) about all the celebrities. There are no big words to decipher and there are lots of pictures too! Sometimes, when I'm really desperate for a laugh, I'll buy something even trashier, like The Sun, or The U.S. News. One of the latest headlines was "ALIEN BIBLE FOUND". Guess who these aliens worshipped??? OPRAH. Well..why shouldn't they? One of my favorite stories was the baby born with the Elvis tatoo. I also liked the one about the dog-faced girl with the 200 I.Q. . I guess she had to sacrifice something to be that intelligent. I wonder if there's even one person in the world who would even believe those stories? Even so, I think there will always be a need for these papers. Just read about all the really terrible stuff going on in the world, and then grab a copy of the Sun to see what those wacky aliens are doing.