Bad Moon Rising

I'm hoping today's post will calm my storm today. I just never know when the illness will strike. I am referring to this emotional/physiological thing that has plagued me for most of my life. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, but this has been an ongoing battle for as long as I can remember. Yeah, I have Lyme disease and a few other little physical things. This anxiety/depression thing makes everything else seem trivial. Today, I have the all too familiar feeling of dissociation. This is one of those lovely anxiety symptoms where you feel as though your limbs are not connected to your body. Always fun. I also feel like going into a hibernation sleep. It's not as intense as when I've had my "breakdowns" but it's scary. I hope it's not a sign of worse things to come. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but it's hard not to worry. Well, there's not much I can do except keep trying not to crash. I will definitely put up a fight.

Words to Live By

My mom was what you would call a real "live wire". She had a tremendous amount of nervous energy. She was a really bright woman, but wasn't the type to sit down and ponder the meaning of life. Some people just have to keep moving. I don't know if it's out of fear or not. There are just those that are on automatic pilot their entire lives. We've all seen them...the workaholics and such. We need them. They keep the place moving and shaking. Then there are the others, like myself. We sit and ponder everything. Sometimes it's comforting, other times it drives us insane. Yet we can't help it, we must question. It's this mixture of curiousity and fear that keeps us on this quest for knowledge. Anyhow, that having been said...there was this one moment with my mom that I never forgot. It was about a year before she died. We were sitting in her apartment (after a losing night at the casino) and she looked at me very seriously and said, "there's something important that I have to tell you." She sounded uncharacteristically calm and serious, so I gave her my full attention. I was preparing for her to tell me something deeply profound, so I was ready to be receptive. Well, her words to live by were these..."Always buy toilet paper on sale because it's very expensive." I kid you not, this is a true story. It turns out that this was excellent and true advice. To this day I look to see what's on sale and cut out the appropriate coupons. Words to live by. Of course I still ponder the mysteries of life and death. However, the only answer I come up with when I ask why is ..because. That's it, just because. So lately the only thing I know for sure is....yeah, you guessed it. Take my mom's advice..buy the stuff on sale. You'll be glad you did!!