Don't Vilify The Abilify

I have a great psychiatrist. I mean she's everything you would want in a shrink. Knowledgeable, caring, smart, the whole package. Being a people pleaser, it's really tough for me to reject her suggestions. However, when it comes to psychotropic drugs, I am very resistant. I have tried many different medications for my disorder. Some worked, some didn't, some caused my fragile little world to collapse. When my world collapses, it is hellish! I have to then struggle to rebuild my psyche. Many times, I felt like it was "the end." I don't know if I could take another breakdown. I saw my doctor a couple of days ago. She knows things have been very difficult lately, and wanted me to supplement my paxil with abilify. It's a very small dose. The data says that it helps stabilize moods when taken with other antidepressants. I guess there have been some good results. This is all doctors have to go on, I understand this. Even if they tried each medication themselves, how would they know how each individual would react? Go to any medication website. You will hear the good with the bad. It doesn't help much. You can only know by trying the pills. The last time I had extreme anxiety, I took a pill that had worked in the past. For whatever reason, it did not work that night. Not only didn't it work, but I had a surreal, frightening feeling for the next two days. That was a small dose too. So, the abilify sits on my nightstand. When I'm in the midst of a panic (quite frequently this week) the pills start calling me (figuratively, of course). "Take one of us, we're only 2 mg, what can it hurt?" When the anxiety subsides, the little pills change their tune. "Take just one of us, and we'll push you the rest of the way off of your cliff; all the way down to insanity valley,where you'll never leave..ha,ha,haaaa." So this is my current dilemma. What to do. Well, I must decide....or not. Later this evening, if you hear a tiny explosion coming from a far corner of the universe, it may just be the sound of my soul shattering. Please, don't blame the abilify, it cannot perform miracles. If you see an ad, or hear another success story about the medication, please offer a moment of silence for those who were not "abilifiable".