Would I Trade?

If I were to tell the story of my life some people might say, "What a shame."I would talk about a stressful childhood, nervous breakdowns, heavy drinking, alienation...on and on. I would tell about wasted talent (so I've been told), underachievment, terrible money management. So many negatives, or perceived negatives. Here's the catch though..I think I'm for real. I'm not saying I'm terrific, or wonderful, just for real. There is no pretense. I know this. I started looking inward at a very early age, thus the heavy drinking started. It was too painful at the time. Years later I started from the beginning, like an infant. Chronologically I was in my thirties, but emotionally I was an infant. Now in my fifties (late fifties at that), I'm still somewhat infantile, but I'm trying to grow. The growth is tough. I'd say more bad moments than good. I'm on medication, and probably couldn't function without it, but that's ok. I feel the emotional pain deeply, but on the other hand, I feel the joy and love deeply. There are just some things that touch the soul in a profound, beautiful, way. Children, friendship, beautiful music, animals, nature, all that "corny" stuff. Those wonderful moments I wouldn't trade for anything. I have those. Hours of misery for moments of joy. I guess there are some people that have the opposite, they are very fortunate. There are also people that seem to stay on the same, superficial level. They blot out the bad however they can, but they also give up the good. Now that's a shame! Personally, I'd rather have the trade-off. Most of the great works of art and literature were born of extreme angst. If you close the door, you close it to everything. Well, my door is wide open, who knows what may wander in next? I'll let you know.