Point of Reference

What is it really like to feel "fine"? When people are physically ill we can clearly see that they are not fine. People with emotional and/or mental problems are not always so obvious in their not-so-fine-ness. You have your severely depressed, who can't get out of bed. You also have your screaming maniacs who are just stark raving mad. Then there are the others. The ones that function from day to day and seem "just fine." They wear the mask. Those are the people that have lived with a certain degree of emotional pain all their lives. I don't mean the normal ups and downs that most people have. I mean moderate to severe angst. How do I know this? I consider myself to be a moderate to severe angst person. It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's not easy. You may argue that most people don't have it easy. No, they don't, but the "average" person is emotionally equipped to handle the ups and downs of everyday life without crumbling. Having played the violin, I can offer this analogy. The "E" string is the thinnest and most tightly wound string. It has the highest pitch. You should always have plenty of E strings because they break all the time. They can't take as much stress as the other strings. It's also the hardest string to play without scratching or making a horrible noise. I am an E string. I break frequently. There is not a spare me. I can make some nice music sometimes, but I could break at any time. People can't tell how I feel, even if I try to explain. My actions tell them otherwise. It's like learning to walk on a broken leg. After several years you can mask the limp really well. I live for beautiful moments. I never forget the beautiful days. The last time I had a panic free day was May of 1989. I was on a boat, and was completely relaxed. It was amazing. I basically live for moments (as I've said before). Moments of "fineness" mixed in with hours of moderate anxiety. Some days there is severe anxiety. That pretty much sums up my "fineness". I can't speak for anyone else, and they really can't speak for me. So, how is everyone today??? Fine, I hope!