In my previous posts, I mentioned my panic disorder. In my other posts, it was probably obvious that I have many disorders. For approximately 34 of the past 40 years I have been taking medication for my disorders. There was the 13 years of valium..ending in disaster. There were six years of plain old soul searching find answers. I found answers, tried various relaxation techniques, tried plain old "intestinal fortitude", and ultimately failed. The truth is (for me anyway), anxiety disorder is hellish. At different times I have taken elavil, norpramine, zoloft, prozac and serzone. Serzone has since been taken off the market for causing liver failure. My liver was fine, but Serzone contributed somewhat to what I now refer to as " The Breakdown of 2002." I have finally settled on Paxil as my legal drug of choice. So far, Paxil has kept the breakdowns at bay. I can function (never anxiety-free, but that's ok), and can occasionally have fun. What I have discovered is that a combination of Paxil and a glass or two of red wine give me an almost euphoric feeling. I am certainly not recommending this to anyone, but I really do enjoy that ride. Now, combine those chemicals and place me at a video poker machine. If I win, all the better. So I ask you..how shallow is that? It's all ok though. I'm tired of looking for deeper meanings. I'm also tired of listening to opinions, suggestions etc. I just want to travel my own road.
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3 comments:
Are you tired of encouragement? If not, then I encourage you to keep going. I could say much more, but I have a feeling you don't need to hear more.
I've suffered with Panic Disorder now for over 10 years. Like you I have been on a search to find some relief or a cure. I'm on Paxil too, but I've never tried the red wine, i'm gonna give it a shot. I wish you well and I like your blog.
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