As if

As if I could change anything. I wake up with a feeling of despair. There are things I cannot control. Almost everything, actually. I try to change things, but in the end they do what they are going to do. I can only change me...or can I? Would I just be pretending to change? Maybe pretending is the reality of change. Fake it til you make it? Do you ever make it? Some seem to make it, others not. We all just want to feel ok. Don't we? Feeling ok can be a monumental task though. Just ask me. Feeling ok is just acceptance I guess. Don't really know. What a fragmented post this is. What a fragmented person I am. I'll try to do better, whatever that is.