Better Living Through Chemistry

I know my blog is basically a neon sign that repeatedly blinks the word "ISSUES" in bright yellow letters. Surprisingly, here is yet another personal dilemma that I'm sure everyone is waiting to hear. O.K...here it goes. My psychiatrist, or Pdoc (as they say on some mental health forums) has suggested that I take a supplemental medication when I am more depressed or anxious. I already take paxil. She gave me some samples of gabitril, which I haven't tried and also suggested Topomax, which is used for seizure disorders. In the great collapse of 2002 I took seroquel in addition to Paxil. Seroquel did the trick. I was on a very low dose, but it knocked me out at night. I needed that at the time because I was non-functional. The only thing is, it was kind of like a lobotomy in a bottle. I guess there is always a trade-off. I haven't collapsed again, but I am really stressed. A few posts ago I mentioned the wonderful feeling of having a glass or two of red wine. Well, I've been doing this a little more often. Not every night, but 3-5 times a week. It hasn't made things worse, and gives me a great couple of hours. My doctor thinks this is a bad idea, because it creates some kind of pattern and can be detrimental. I'm really torn. I like and respect my doctor very much. She is very bright and up on things. She is also different from many psychiatrists who are basically walking prescription pads. However, I'm 55 and have been through 45 years of my own particular madness. I want things to be as much fun as possible in between the inevitable tortures that life hands us. It's truly a paradox within an enigma. Oh well, maybe the right decision is to hold off on deciding...whatever that means.