Plodding Along

Misery scale is steady at 3. I go from day to day hanging on to my semblance of sanity. I haven't sobbed in a couple of weeks. There have been very brief periods of anxiety, but they have been manageable. Viva la deplin.....maybe.

Oh, But It's Been Too Long

It's been 6 days since my last post (obviously). I've been between 3 and 3 1/2 which is ok. I just switched to the generic version of my paxil cr. I hope it's as effective and the brand name. You never know. I hope I'm effective! Anyhow, I holding steady/shaky and I'm sort of glad. I want to be better though, but I can't be too greedy right now. Slow and steady is alright as long as it's in a positive direction.

Friday Night....Late

Holding steady at a 3 (for the most part). I was a little shaky this morning, but it wasn't terrible.
Let's see what tomorrow brings (it's only 22 minutes away).

See Me in September

Well, September has started with a 3 on the misery scale. Hope I'm not in for a "fall"....get it??
Not so funny, but still an improvement. My goal is to be able to enjoy the people I love. Is that so much to ask? Huh?? I don't have to be rich or famous. I don't need power or control. I just want to make nice memories. I also want to be able to play video poker, but that's not "in the cards" right now. Get it?? "In the cards." Just so, so funny.

Onward and (possibly) Upward

The last couple of days have been a steady 3. No dips, so that's pretty good. My sense of humor has partially returned so I am somewhat optimistic. I can handle this. I'll try not to rock the boat.

Not Bad...yet Not Good

I'm still feeling better, but not too steady. I mean, I crawled to the edge of the abyss, but I don't have such a great foothold. The misery rating for today is 3 1/4. Still ok. I keep crawling until I can walk.

A Bit Brighter

Yesterday and today have been a semi-comfortable 2 3/4 on the misery scale. I'll take it!!!
Some mild angst with a trace of inner peace. The best it's been in weeks. Is it the deplin? Is it the paxil? Is it the cosmos? Whatever...something is different. My life hasn't changed and there have been no epiphanies. Must be chemical. Oh well, I'll ride the wave. I'm buying a round of zero misery for everyone. It's on me. Enjoy.

Yuck

Yes, I've been a yuck on the misery scale for the past two days. That's about a 4 1/2. Nothing new with the deplin yet. However, a nice person gave me feedback about the deplin. Thanks, you have inspired me to be patient and give it a chance to work. Anyhow the misery pattern has changed making the evenings more uncomfortable. This is new, and not too welcome but wtf.
Sometimes a good sob helps. I feel like sobbing quite often now. That's not the worst thing in the world. Sobbing and pinot noir, maybe that's the answer.

Me again....well who else would it be?

Today fluctuated between a 3 and 4. It's my 4th day on deplin, my new med. It's a form of folic acid, supposed to enhance how the paxil works. No change yet. I wonder about my supposedly cured lyme disease. Not enough is known about the disease. Well, no choice but to fight the battle. Right now, I'm a 4 (moderate misery). Although, I must admit, I might be getting slightly better week by week. I want to think that is so....so it is! Well, I'm going to check out some meditation techniques. Maybe that will help. Bye for now.

A Little Tough

Misery scale rating today is a 4 so far. Last night was a 2 1/2. Nice. Maybe I had to pay for it this morning. Well, I'll muddle through, as always. I'll look for the funny, and the beautiful.

What's My Status Gladys?

Yesterday was a 3, not too shabby. Today was a 4, climbing to a 5. Rough afternoon. Almost a panic attack, but not full blown. I'm exploring the possibility of sugar and carbs causing some of these panics, as weird as that may seem. They seem to happen after sweet and starchy meals. Hmmm. I'm not crazy, I just need a balanced diet. Yeah, there's the ticket. Well, ya never know. All the dysfunction in my life had nothing to do with my present situation. Hah! Now, how could that be true? I guess I'll never really know.

Four Day Update

The last 4 days were 3's and 4's. Same old stuff. I started a new medication today. Well, actually an old medication with a different name. It's a short term anxiety med. A benzo. Been there, done that, but I'm a different person now. I know too much and can't combine it with shots of bourbon anymore. Let me rephrase that....I won't combine it with shots of bourbon. It used to be a recipe for fun. Now, it's a recipe for disaster. Well, so far the pill hasn't worked. I probably need my old dose which was 75 times the prescribed dosage. I have quite an active nervous system. Oh well, I'll keep trying. Maybe a cattle prod will be next.

So, so day

Today was a 3 3/4 dropping to a 3 by mid-afternoon. Not as bad as yesterday. Right now I'm watching "The New Adventures of Old Christine." I thinks it's a rerun, but maybe not. I don't think it matters. Anyhow, we'll see what tomorrow brings. A new refrigerator, for one thing. The rest is a mystery. What will the misery be?? Stay tuned and see. Is anyone tuned? Like the "Old Christine" reruns...I don't think it matters.

And for today....

Today I've hit a 4 on the misery scale. I wasn't aiming for it, I just kind of woke up that way. Usually the day gets better, today did not. Who's to say why? Nothing is different. Just my usual funk. I have deficits. I've had them since I was a kid. When I was 19 my head blew open like a big pinata. I've never been the same. Oh well. This week I see my shrink. Maybe there's a magic potion. Shake a rattle over me and cure me. Gone are the valium and bourbon days. They served their purpose. Let's see what's next.

Edgy,Edgy,Edgy

Misery scale rating this morning...................3 3/4. Yes folks, a little more miserable than 3 1/2. I walk around with this "edge of madness" feeling. Not pretty, not pretty at all. However, not as ugly as some things. Lots on my crazy mind. Small problems seem big, bigger problems seem tremendous. Everything hits hard. I guess you could say I'm a tad bit emotional. What do the shrinks call it? Lability?? Whatever.... I plod on and on in search of beauty and humor.

July 30th

I'm at a 3 or 4 today. Some depression, moderate anxiety. I'm tryin' though.

Update

Today is a 3 - 4. I am immature. That is today's statement. I feel immature, and I don't like this feeling. I don't know what I want. I just feel tantrum-like. I don't know if anyone else can understand this. It happens to me quite often. I'm very child-like, but not usually in a good way. I need to take control of situations and feel more like an adult. This is a big problem for me. No wonder I'm miserable. You can't be an older adult and have childish needs . I know this. They say knowing is half the battle. Personally, I think it's one tenth of the battle (at best). The other nine tenths are on the front lines. A real bitch.

The Last three days

I've been holding steady at a 3 1/2 on the misery scale. This morning I woke up with the familiar knot in my stomach, but it has since gone away. I can deal with this. I'm hoping it will decrease from this level, but I can't expect too much. I'm trying to learn to like myself. I could sooner learn nuclear physics. Anyhow, I continue to plod along (like so many of us). All the best to my fellow sufferers.

Good night....mediocre day

Last night I was down to a 2 folks...yes, a 2. Slight angst, but not bad at all. I was having some fun. I was with family that I don't see enough. I adore them, and was able to feel it. A breath of fresh air I tell ya. Then....there was this morning, a 4 at best. Moderate misery, once again. That old, all-too-familiar feeling. So, so, tiring. I will see the family again tonight. I'm hoping for a boost. Wish me luck.

The Day After

Not as bad as yesterday. Maybe a 4 with a dash of migraine. I'm thinkin' about medication changes. I've already started diet changes. I'm looking for solutions. I want to be capable of enjoying life. I want to be a grown up with the strength to take care of myself. Not so easy for me. I know I must be proactive in this struggle. I can do more, I know it.